This week we read a talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks entitled, "The Challenge to Become." Wow I loved this talk! I have often quoted this talk to family or in church where Elder Oaks states, "the Final Judgment is not just an evaluation of a sum total of good and evil acts—what we have done. It is an acknowledgment of the final effect of our acts and thoughts—what we have become." (Dallan H. Oaks) This gives us all hope that we do not need to be perfect. We just need to be the best we can be for the circumstances we are in. Then when we die, God will not ask us only what we have done. He will ask us what we have become working with the circumstances in which he has placed us. As long as we are truly converted to the gospel of Christ and do our best, we will continue to become more like our Heavenly Father, and more ready for that final judgement day.
I already put up a post about Elder Oaks' talk, which was more of the spiritual side or our discussions this week. The rest of the week we have talked a lot about annalyzing research by coming to understand how that research is conducted. I have learned that there are many cautions to be taken with research that we should look at before accepting the research findings as valid. These incude looking at the samplings, control group, maturation, termonology, and reseracher bias of the study. There are many ways to mess up on a study, and we must be careful that we are accepting only valid information. We also learned about the different types of research, and the pros and cons of each type of research. Many studies are conducted in marriage and family studies feild, and in order to find truth, we must understand how the studies are conducted, and if they were conducted correctly. This week was great to help us in understanding how be can better weed out false information in our lives, and be more effective hunters of truth. I'm excited to apply what I've learned throughout this semester.
We didn't have class Monday, but for Wednesday we read out of our book, and read a very long article. This article was a bit hard to understand but I did learn some great things from reading it. Throughout the article I was able to see where each term fit into my family. The family rules, homeostasis, and meta rules are definitely a part of my family. My family is awesome, but we go through hard times just like everyone else, and when we do that homeostasis kicks in and helps to regulate our family system. We've been going through this process quite a lot lately because my brother and sister got married this summer and my family moved. This really changed the rhythm and dynamics of our family, and we simply had to do the best we could to regulate our family system again. I also loved when it talked about the meta rules, or "unspoken" rules. I didn't realize how many of these rules we have in our family until I read the definition of meta rules and pondered which ones we have in our family. I realized that a few of them are, being home for dinner at night, not raising our voices to loud, participating in family prayer and scripture, and helping clean up some after dinner. It's these small rules that make our families unique, and I'm glad to have them in my family. They contribute to the equality, fairness, and stability of our home.
So this week we talked a lot about the different classes in our society. I really enjoyed the video titled, "Tammy's Story." This video gave a great example of a single mother and her kids who are living below the poverty line. They had little money, little education, and little hope for improvement, and it was very sad to watch how hard their lives have been. In chapter two of our learning we read about diversity in families, and one type of family we learned about were families with one parent. There are three main challenges that these single parents face. They are:
You could see each of these challenges displayed by Tammy in the video. She had a lot of things she wanted to fix or change, but it was just to many tasks, and lots of responsibility. She was also emotionally unhappy and you could tell she just wanted to feel good about herself, wanted her kids to be proud of her, and wanted to be accepted by society. Emotionally this was taking quite a toll on her. She really is so amazing to keep on going, and to reject welfare by choosing to work as hard as she can. The class system can be harsh, and unfair but we all have to live within it. We should always remember to respect everyone regardless of his or her class.
This week in class we had a great time as a class stating and debating some of the differences between boys and girls. For example.. Men are: • Blunt • Tough • Leaders • Dumb Women are: • Loving • Pure • Patient • Wise
Though such titles are stereotypical, there was truth behind each one. We learned that there really are innate and learned differences in boys and girls, and thus there are different roles expected of us. For Wednesday we read chapter three in our textbooks which was about gender roles. The book states that a gender role, “refers to the behavior associated with being either male or female.” (Pg 57) The list we made as a class articulated many of these expected gender roles. These characteristics, or attributes for men and women are what we expect each gender to develop. These roles may be a part of our nature, and they may also be a result of our societies influence on us as individuals. Whichever it is, we all have roles expected of us that we must conform to if we wish to be accepted by the majority of our population.
This week in chapter six we read about love, and the different kinds of love. Then in chapter seven we read about selecting a life partner. I really thought both of these chapters were good, and very applicable to all of us here at BYUI. We’re always being told to date, and find someone to marry, but we’re not always told specifically how, and how we know when it is true love. I know everything in the textbook is not doctrine, but it did have some awesome, and very specific insights. It talked about things to look for in a life partner and my top three favorites are: •Emotional stability (maturity) •Mutual attraction (love) •Dependable character These three are very important to me because I want to be able to trust my future husband completely, and really love him for who he is. I also liked how in the chapter it said that opposites don’t really attract. Instead we really like being around people who are mostly like us. I think that is true, and that just gives me more motivation to be even better so I can find an even better man for myself.
This week we read and talked a lot about getting married and everything that goes with that. I found it interesting that the number of people getting married has gone down, while the divorce rate has gone up. That means we’ve got a lot of lonely single people in the U.S. today and that is really sad. Here at BYUI I think everyone hopes to get married at some point, so these findings were not good. The chapter looked at the benefits and reasons for people to marry and here are a few of those: • The need for intimacy • Social Expectations • Social Ideals and Personal Fulfillment • A desire for children • A practical solution (to the problem of being alone) I think each of these points are true for me to an extent. I know I don’t want to be alone forever, I want to have kids, and I don’t want to be in singles wards forever and looked down on by society in and out of the church. We then talked about the actual marriage, and I was blown away by how expensive it is to have a wedding! On average, in the U.S. a wedding costs about $27,800. That’s crazy! From reading this it has helped me to decide not to put all my focus on the wedding, but to focus on my partner. It is after the wedding that it really matters, and I want to focus on that. The end of the chapter talked about commitment and how important it is to a relationship. On page 189 it says, “Commitment to the person mean that you are determined to work through troubled times.” It also broke commitment down into three sub categories that included: promise, dedication, and attachment. I agree with everything it said about commitment. I want to be a fully committed wife and for my husband to be committed 100%. Only then will our marriage last and thrive.
The first part of this week we read and talked about sexuality. I thought this was very helpful since many of us never really get to talk about it openly and really get to understand human sexuality. I actually found it very interesting, and I’m glad we talked about the positive aspects of human sexuality. Within the church it is often talked about as a dirty thing to be avoided, so we often have a negative or sinful view of sex when God in fact doesn’t view it as a sin at all. He designed us to want sex. We just need to employ it within the bonds of marriage. For Friday we read an article posted on Brain-honey called “Affair Prevention.” I really liked this article a lot. I thing affairs are a big problem in the world, and I have seen their negative effects on the family and marriages within my own extended family. The article broke down the four types of affairs and they are: 1. Fantasy 2. Visual 3. Romantic 4. Sexual When we think of an affair, we think of someone having a sexual relationship with someone besides his or her spouse. This list and the article explained that even fantasizing about other people or getting emotionally involved with others is a type of affair and is not acceptable to the lord. Lastly I loved the two suggestions it gave to help us avoid affairs. Those are: 1. Be on guard 2. Be fiercely loyal I think these are two great suggestions that I will always employ in my marriage.
This week we learned and read about family crisis. There are many types of crises, and there many ways we deal with these crises. Also a crisis can be a result of our actions, or a result of outside forces working on our family. They are usually linked to highly stressful events and behaviors. I realized that we can’t avoid crises, but we can learn how to deal with them effectively. We will all have to deal with illness, accidents, unemployment, moving, and serious personal problems among members of our family, but we do get to choose how to deal with it. We should also choose to avoid lettting stressful things pileup, and instead choose to deal with things as they come so that they don’t pileup and overwhelm us. The book then outlined some good and bad coping techniques.
What are some bad coping techniques? • Denial • Avoidance • Scapegoating These can be used to an extent to initially help people deal with a crisis, but then they must move on to more positive coping techniques or they will not see any positive results.
What are some positive coping techniques? • Take Responsibility • Affirm your own and your family’s worth • Balance self concern with other-concern • Learn the art of reframing • Find and use available resources These techniques will help people to move past and deal with the crisis. They help us to take more control of the situation, and find a solution or at least acceptance of the situation.
I really liked our discussion about this in class. We discussed what helps families to movie through crisis, and together found some great answers. Families should turn to things they know and love. One person gave an example of their family using Music to connect. There should also be good communication, and families should remember to be flexible during this time. We also talked about holding to religious rituals and traditions through a crisis. I agree with this completely. It helps life to be more consistent, and gives the family something to rely on together.
This week we read chapter 9, “The Challenge of Communication.” Communication is key to having a good lasting relationship, yet many couples struggle with bad communication skills in their marriage. One of the first things I learned in reading this chapter is that communication includes much more then just verbal communication. There are also many kinds of nonverbal communication such as: • Body language • Facial expressions • Eye behavior • Clothing • Touching Each of these nonverbal forms of communication contributes a great deal to our overall communication effectiveness. The book even explains that, “anywhere from 50-80% of the meaning we convey is through the nonverbal part of our communication.” That is huge! It is very important for us to realize the nonverbal signals we are sending to our spouse, and also realize what they are saying to us through their nonverbal communication. The text then lists 8 main functions of nonverbal communication that I really liked and agreed with. These included: • Complementing our (spoken) words • They may contradict our words • Repeat the message we are trying to send • My help to regulate our communication • Serves as a substitute instead of words • May accent our (spoken) words • Triggers attributions • May influence both the attitudes and the behavior of others.
I was really surprised by how much our nonverbal communication affects the overall success of our communication in marriage. It’s even more important then verbal communication! I hope to better realize the nonverbal messages that I am sending to others, and want to work on recognizing the subtle messages that others send to me through nonverbal communication. I think this will really help my overall communication skills to improve, and will help to prepare me to communicate well in my future marriage.
This week on Monday we read an article entitled, “One for the Money” by elder Marvin J. Ashton. This article explained that money issues often lead to marital conflict and even divorce. This article even stated that, “89 percent of all divorces could be traced to quarrels and accusations over money.” He then explained that both the man and the women should have a say in the family’s finances. They will then both feel good about it, and feel a responsibility to spend within the budget. The article then outlined 12 points for improving family financial management. The three that I thought were most important were: • Teach family members early the importance of working and earning. • Learn to manage money before it manages you. • Use a budget. These three points have been most helpful in life and in my family. As a child my parents taught me the importance of working and saving. They then taught me to manage that money, and helped me to open a bank account. I now am trying to budget my money, and spend it wisely and frugally here at college. In my future marriage, I plan to have a very detailed budget so that my husband and me can avoid as many money problems as possible, and keep our marriage strong. Then I will also teach my children how to earn, save, and manage money so that they will be prepared to pass these skills on to their families as well.
This week we read and discussed chapter 12 entitled “Becoming a Parent.” First of all I thought it was very interesting that birth rates have declined significantly in the US. Some don’t have kids because they can’t, but who don’t do so because they don’t want to. In our LDS culture, this is definitely not okay. I enjoyed the rather controversial discussion we had about the regular LDS stereotypes. Many of the people in our class are married and feel judged by others when they choose to delay having children. The discussion got a little heated in the class, but it is obvious that the question of when or how many children to have is very controversial among church members. Personally I believe parents shouldn’t delay very long. There are prophets who have spoken on the matter, and they have directly told us that there are very few reasons to postpone having children, and financial reasons is not one of them. I plan to listen to this counsel once married, and have children soon thereafter. We also read about the different options people have if they are having trouble getting pregnant. I personally know a few couples that have had problems having kids, and it is a very hard thing to deal with. Medication can help for some people, but for many, it requires more drastic measures such as in vitro fertilization. I have two friends that went through this hard and expensive process, and one had a little boy and the other had triplet girls! Many are not as fortunate as these two were, and at this point many then turn to adoption. Overall I really liked this chapter. There is a lot of decisions and problems to face in becoming a parent, but I truly do believe with the Lord’s help, and if we are willing to do his will, the right things will happen for each of us.
On Monday we read and talked a lot about divorce. This is something that I have not personally dealt with, and I hope that I will never have to deal with it. I can’t imagine my family splitting up, and I can definitely understand why a lot of problems often arise when families to break apart due to divorce. In chapter 14 I read about the four phases that tend to mark the process of divorce. They are:
• Recognition- One or both partners become aware of problems and conflict can begin. There is lots of doubt involved. • Discussion-The partners begin to share and talk about their marital problems with others or their spouse. Often finds someone in this phase that helps them to transition to a new life. • Action-This is where the actual action of divorcing begins. One of the partners will often get a lawyer at this point, and they legally end the marriage. • Post dissolution-In this phase the individuals accept that the marriage has ended and start to move on.
I hope I never have to go through these phases, but it is good to understand them because if we find ourselves in phase one or two, we will be able to recognize it and hopefully turn things around before they progress to phase three or four. I learned that there are many short and long term effects from divorce for the adults and the children involved. Usually those effects are negative, and hurt us a lot. To avoid going down this sad, hard, and lonely road we can live by many of the things we have learned about in this book throughout the semester. We can keep open communication in our marriage, serve our spouse, try to be kind and understanding, and remain patient with them throughout their weaknesses. Divorce is a common occurrence today, but we can avoid it if we do our best, and work hard to see the good in our spouse and in our relationship.
For this week we went over chapter 14, 15, and 16. My favorite chapter of the three was chapter 16, which was entitled, “Intimacy in the later years.” I loved this chapter because often we don’t talk about the later years of marriage and instead focus on getting through the stressful early years. We read about the launching and empty nest stage, and how this is an important transition time for parents. The books explained that this stage is usually one, “of mixed emotions with grief yielding sooner or later to relief and happiness because of the new opportunities and options that open up” (pg 363). The parents that adjust the best are usually those who have had good relationships with their kids and spouse, and who have made their family a high priority in their life up to that time. A great stage that often follows the empty nester stage is grandparenthood. My own parents are just coming into this stage and they are so excited! We learned that grandparents fill many roles. They become a source of wisdom, fun, and help to parents and grandchildren. Grandparents can have a huge and important effect on their family and the next generation if they proactively utilize their role in this stage. Lastly I liked learning about retirement. Coming into retirement can be very stressful for many couples because they often lose their sense of purpose and their source of income. The good news is that if couples work together and keep a positive attitude, they can find great fulfillment in retirement. The book explains that, “Once the initial adjustment has been made.. marital quality tends to go up” (pg 366). Personally I’m looking forward to my retirement, and plan to volunteer, help my community and family, and enjoy long vacations! The latter years of marriage and family life can be very fulfilling. If we continue to use good communication, and look for the good in each other, our marriage can continue to get better and better as we get older. Grandparenthood and retirement are only two aspects of aging as a couple that can be very fulfilling and enjoyable if we approach them correctly. It is definitely not a stage to be dreaded; it’s a stage to be celebrated!
This week we read a talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks entitled, "The Challenge to Become." Wow I loved this talk! I have often quoted this talk to family or in church where Elder Oaks states, "the Final Judgment is not just an evaluation of a sum total of good and evil acts—what we have done. It is an acknowledgment of the final effect of our acts and thoughts—what we have become." (Dallan H. Oaks) This gives us all hope that we do not need to be perfect. We just need to be the best we can be for the circumstances we are in. Then when we die, God will not ask us only what we have done. He will ask us what we have become working with the circumstances in which he has placed us. As long as we are truly converted to the gospel of Christ and do our best, we will continue to become more like our Heavenly Father, and more ready for that final judgement day.
ReplyDeleteI already put up a post about Elder Oaks' talk, which was more of the spiritual side or our discussions this week. The rest of the week we have talked a lot about annalyzing research by coming to understand how that research is conducted. I have learned that there are many cautions to be taken with research that we should look at before accepting the research findings as valid. These incude looking at the samplings, control group, maturation, termonology, and reseracher bias of the study. There are many ways to mess up on a study, and we must be careful that we are accepting only valid information. We also learned about the different types of research, and the pros and cons of each type of research. Many studies are conducted in marriage and family studies feild, and in order to find truth, we must understand how the studies are conducted, and if they were conducted correctly. This week was great to help us in understanding how be can better weed out false information in our lives, and be more effective hunters of truth. I'm excited to apply what I've learned throughout this semester.
ReplyDeleteWe didn't have class Monday, but for Wednesday we read out of our book, and read a very long article. This article was a bit hard to understand but I did learn some great things from reading it. Throughout the article I was able to see where each term fit into my family. The family rules, homeostasis, and meta rules are definitely a part of my family. My family is awesome, but we go through hard times just like everyone else, and when we do that homeostasis kicks in and helps to regulate our family system. We've been going through this process quite a lot lately because my brother and sister got married this summer and my family moved. This really changed the rhythm and dynamics of our family, and we simply had to do the best we could to regulate our family system again. I also loved when it talked about the meta rules, or "unspoken" rules. I didn't realize how many of these rules we have in our family until I read the definition of meta rules and pondered which ones we have in our family. I realized that a few of them are, being home for dinner at night, not raising our voices to loud, participating in family prayer and scripture, and helping clean up some after dinner. It's these small rules that make our families unique, and I'm glad to have them in my family. They contribute to the equality, fairness, and stability of our home.
ReplyDeleteSo this week we talked a lot about the different classes in our society. I really enjoyed the video titled, "Tammy's Story." This video gave a great example of a single mother and her kids who are living below the poverty line. They had little money, little education, and little hope for improvement, and it was very sad to watch how hard their lives have been. In chapter two of our learning we read about diversity in families, and one type of family we learned about were families with one parent. There are three main challenges that these single parents face. They are:
ReplyDelete• Responsibility overload
• Task overload
• Emotional overload
You could see each of these challenges displayed by Tammy in the video. She had a lot of things she wanted to fix or change, but it was just to many tasks, and lots of responsibility. She was also emotionally unhappy and you could tell she just wanted to feel good about herself, wanted her kids to be proud of her, and wanted to be accepted by society. Emotionally this was taking quite a toll on her. She really is so amazing to keep on going, and to reject welfare by choosing to work as hard as she can.
The class system can be harsh, and unfair but we all have to live within it. We should always remember to respect everyone regardless of his or her class.
This week in class we had a great time as a class stating and debating some of the differences between boys and girls. For example..
ReplyDeleteMen are:
• Blunt
• Tough
• Leaders
• Dumb
Women are:
• Loving
• Pure
• Patient
• Wise
Though such titles are stereotypical, there was truth behind each one. We learned that there really are innate and learned differences in boys and girls, and thus there are different roles expected of us.
For Wednesday we read chapter three in our textbooks which was about gender roles. The book states that a gender role, “refers to the behavior associated with being either male or female.” (Pg 57) The list we made as a class articulated many of these expected gender roles. These characteristics, or attributes for men and women are what we expect each gender to develop. These roles may be a part of our nature, and they may also be a result of our societies influence on us as individuals. Whichever it is, we all have roles expected of us that we must conform to if we wish to be accepted by the majority of our population.
This week in chapter six we read about love, and the different kinds of love. Then in chapter seven we read about selecting a life partner. I really thought both of these chapters were good, and very applicable to all of us here at BYUI. We’re always being told to date, and find someone to marry, but we’re not always told specifically how, and how we know when it is true love. I know everything in the textbook is not doctrine, but it did have some awesome, and very specific insights. It talked about things to look for in a life partner and my top three favorites are:
ReplyDelete•Emotional stability (maturity)
•Mutual attraction (love)
•Dependable character
These three are very important to me because I want to be able to trust my future husband completely, and really love him for who he is. I also liked how in the chapter it said that opposites don’t really attract. Instead we really like being around people who are mostly like us. I think that is true, and that just gives me more motivation to be even better so I can find an even better man for myself.
This week we read and talked a lot about getting married and everything that goes with that. I found it interesting that the number of people getting married has gone down, while the divorce rate has gone up. That means we’ve got a lot of lonely single people in the U.S. today and that is really sad. Here at BYUI I think everyone hopes to get married at some point, so these findings were not good. The chapter looked at the benefits and reasons for people to marry and here are a few of those:
ReplyDelete• The need for intimacy
• Social Expectations
• Social Ideals and Personal Fulfillment
• A desire for children
• A practical solution (to the problem of being alone)
I think each of these points are true for me to an extent. I know I don’t want to be alone forever, I want to have kids, and I don’t want to be in singles wards forever and looked down on by society in and out of the church.
We then talked about the actual marriage, and I was blown away by how expensive it is to have a wedding! On average, in the U.S. a wedding costs about $27,800. That’s crazy! From reading this it has helped me to decide not to put all my focus on the wedding, but to focus on my partner. It is after the wedding that it really matters, and I want to focus on that. The end of the chapter talked about commitment and how important it is to a relationship. On page 189 it says, “Commitment to the person mean that you are determined to work through troubled times.” It also broke commitment down into three sub categories that included: promise, dedication, and attachment. I agree with everything it said about commitment. I want to be a fully committed wife and for my husband to be committed 100%. Only then will our marriage last and thrive.
The first part of this week we read and talked about sexuality. I thought this was very helpful since many of us never really get to talk about it openly and really get to understand human sexuality. I actually found it very interesting, and I’m glad we talked about the positive aspects of human sexuality. Within the church it is often talked about as a dirty thing to be avoided, so we often have a negative or sinful view of sex when God in fact doesn’t view it as a sin at all. He designed us to want sex. We just need to employ it within the bonds of marriage.
ReplyDeleteFor Friday we read an article posted on Brain-honey called “Affair Prevention.” I really liked this article a lot. I thing affairs are a big problem in the world, and I have seen their negative effects on the family and marriages within my own extended family. The article broke down the four types of affairs and they are:
1. Fantasy
2. Visual
3. Romantic
4. Sexual
When we think of an affair, we think of someone having a sexual relationship with someone besides his or her spouse. This list and the article explained that even fantasizing about other people or getting emotionally involved with others is a type of affair and is not acceptable to the lord. Lastly I loved the two suggestions it gave to help us avoid affairs. Those are:
1. Be on guard
2. Be fiercely loyal
I think these are two great suggestions that I will always employ in my marriage.
This week we learned and read about family crisis. There are many types of crises, and there many ways we deal with these crises. Also a crisis can be a result of our actions, or a result of outside forces working on our family. They are usually linked to highly stressful events and behaviors.
ReplyDeleteI realized that we can’t avoid crises, but we can learn how to deal with them effectively. We will all have to deal with illness, accidents, unemployment, moving, and serious personal problems among members of our family, but we do get to choose how to deal with it. We should also choose to avoid lettting stressful things pileup, and instead choose to deal with things as they come so that they don’t pileup and overwhelm us. The book then outlined some good and bad coping techniques.
What are some bad coping techniques?
• Denial
• Avoidance
• Scapegoating
These can be used to an extent to initially help people deal with a crisis, but then they must move on to more positive coping techniques or they will not see any positive results.
What are some positive coping techniques?
• Take Responsibility
• Affirm your own and your family’s worth
• Balance self concern with other-concern
• Learn the art of reframing
• Find and use available resources
These techniques will help people to move past and deal with the crisis. They help us to take more control of the situation, and find a solution or at least acceptance of the situation.
I really liked our discussion about this in class. We discussed what helps families to movie through crisis, and together found some great answers. Families should turn to things they know and love. One person gave an example of their family using Music to connect. There should also be good communication, and families should remember to be flexible during this time. We also talked about holding to religious rituals and traditions through a crisis. I agree with this completely. It helps life to be more consistent, and gives the family something to rely on together.
This week we read chapter 9, “The Challenge of Communication.” Communication is key to having a good lasting relationship, yet many couples struggle with bad communication skills in their marriage. One of the first things I learned in reading this chapter is that communication includes much more then just verbal communication. There are also many kinds of nonverbal communication such as:
ReplyDelete• Body language
• Facial expressions
• Eye behavior
• Clothing
• Touching
Each of these nonverbal forms of communication contributes a great deal to our overall communication effectiveness. The book even explains that, “anywhere from 50-80% of the meaning we convey is through the nonverbal part of our communication.” That is huge! It is very important for us to realize the nonverbal signals we are sending to our spouse, and also realize what they are saying to us through their nonverbal communication.
The text then lists 8 main functions of nonverbal communication that I really liked and agreed with. These included:
• Complementing our (spoken) words
• They may contradict our words
• Repeat the message we are trying to send
• My help to regulate our communication
• Serves as a substitute instead of words
• May accent our (spoken) words
• Triggers attributions
• May influence both the attitudes and the behavior of others.
I was really surprised by how much our nonverbal communication affects the overall success of our communication in marriage. It’s even more important then verbal communication! I hope to better realize the nonverbal messages that I am sending to others, and want to work on recognizing the subtle messages that others send to me through nonverbal communication. I think this will really help my overall communication skills to improve, and will help to prepare me to communicate well in my future marriage.
This week on Monday we read an article entitled, “One for the Money” by elder Marvin J. Ashton. This article explained that money issues often lead to marital conflict and even divorce. This article even stated that, “89 percent of all divorces could be traced to quarrels and accusations over money.” He then explained that both the man and the women should have a say in the family’s finances. They will then both feel good about it, and feel a responsibility to spend within the budget. The article then outlined 12 points for improving family financial management. The three that I thought were most important were:
ReplyDelete• Teach family members early the importance of working and earning.
• Learn to manage money before it manages you.
• Use a budget.
These three points have been most helpful in life and in my family. As a child my parents taught me the importance of working and saving. They then taught me to manage that money, and helped me to open a bank account. I now am trying to budget my money, and spend it wisely and frugally here at college. In my future marriage, I plan to have a very detailed budget so that my husband and me can avoid as many money problems as possible, and keep our marriage strong. Then I will also teach my children how to earn, save, and manage money so that they will be prepared to pass these skills on to their families as well.
This week we read and discussed chapter 12 entitled “Becoming a Parent.” First of all I thought it was very interesting that birth rates have declined significantly in the US. Some don’t have kids because they can’t, but who don’t do so because they don’t want to. In our LDS culture, this is definitely not okay.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the rather controversial discussion we had about the regular LDS stereotypes. Many of the people in our class are married and feel judged by others when they choose to delay having children. The discussion got a little heated in the class, but it is obvious that the question of when or how many children to have is very controversial among church members.
Personally I believe parents shouldn’t delay very long. There are prophets who have spoken on the matter, and they have directly told us that there are very few reasons to postpone having children, and financial reasons is not one of them. I plan to listen to this counsel once married, and have children soon thereafter.
We also read about the different options people have if they are having trouble getting pregnant. I personally know a few couples that have had problems having kids, and it is a very hard thing to deal with. Medication can help for some people, but for many, it requires more drastic measures such as in vitro fertilization. I have two friends that went through this hard and expensive process, and one had a little boy and the other had triplet girls! Many are not as fortunate as these two were, and at this point many then turn to adoption.
Overall I really liked this chapter. There is a lot of decisions and problems to face in becoming a parent, but I truly do believe with the Lord’s help, and if we are willing to do his will, the right things will happen for each of us.
On Monday we read and talked a lot about divorce. This is something that I have not personally dealt with, and I hope that I will never have to deal with it. I can’t imagine my family splitting up, and I can definitely understand why a lot of problems often arise when families to break apart due to divorce.
ReplyDeleteIn chapter 14 I read about the four phases that tend to mark the process of divorce. They are:
• Recognition- One or both partners become aware of problems and conflict can begin. There is lots of doubt involved.
• Discussion-The partners begin to share and talk about their marital problems with others or their spouse. Often finds someone in this phase that helps them to transition to a new life.
• Action-This is where the actual action of divorcing begins. One of the partners will often get a lawyer at this point, and they legally end the marriage.
• Post dissolution-In this phase the individuals accept that the marriage has ended and start to move on.
I hope I never have to go through these phases, but it is good to understand them because if we find ourselves in phase one or two, we will be able to recognize it and hopefully turn things around before they progress to phase three or four.
I learned that there are many short and long term effects from divorce for the adults and the children involved. Usually those effects are negative, and hurt us a lot. To avoid going down this sad, hard, and lonely road we can live by many of the things we have learned about in this book throughout the semester. We can keep open communication in our marriage, serve our spouse, try to be kind and understanding, and remain patient with them throughout their weaknesses. Divorce is a common occurrence today, but we can avoid it if we do our best, and work hard to see the good in our spouse and in our relationship.
For this week we went over chapter 14, 15, and 16. My favorite chapter of the three was chapter 16, which was entitled, “Intimacy in the later years.” I loved this chapter because often we don’t talk about the later years of marriage and instead focus on getting through the stressful early years.
ReplyDeleteWe read about the launching and empty nest stage, and how this is an important transition time for parents. The books explained that this stage is usually one, “of mixed emotions with grief yielding sooner or later to relief and happiness because of the new opportunities and options that open up” (pg 363). The parents that adjust the best are usually those who have had good relationships with their kids and spouse, and who have made their family a high priority in their life up to that time.
A great stage that often follows the empty nester stage is grandparenthood. My own parents are just coming into this stage and they are so excited! We learned that grandparents fill many roles. They become a source of wisdom, fun, and help to parents and grandchildren. Grandparents can have a huge and important effect on their family and the next generation if they proactively utilize their role in this stage.
Lastly I liked learning about retirement. Coming into retirement can be very stressful for many couples because they often lose their sense of purpose and their source of income. The good news is that if couples work together and keep a positive attitude, they can find great fulfillment in retirement. The book explains that, “Once the initial adjustment has been made.. marital quality tends to go up” (pg 366). Personally I’m looking forward to my retirement, and plan to volunteer, help my community and family, and enjoy long vacations!
The latter years of marriage and family life can be very fulfilling. If we continue to use good communication, and look for the good in each other, our marriage can continue to get better and better as we get older. Grandparenthood and retirement are only two aspects of aging as a couple that can be very fulfilling and enjoyable if we approach them correctly. It is definitely not a stage to be dreaded; it’s a stage to be celebrated!